She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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