Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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