also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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