I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?