I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.