I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY