weddingsv make me drug and hornr
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
