Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug