We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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