I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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