Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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