I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
