did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
