I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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