I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
