i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
