Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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