Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
