I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
