i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
