On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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