how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's paint friendship bongs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
