are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
