I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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