New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
