I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drunk is not a location!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
