my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
