The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
