yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize