he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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