No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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