What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
