Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
