My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
