we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
