my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
