party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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