All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
