She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
