Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
