I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
