You're completely useless in the revolution.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills