Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize