someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.