I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh