kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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