Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?

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  (603): Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter? http://tfl.nu/0om2
  Replies (75) Good night (1580) Bad night (5230)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (10603) Bad night (1724)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

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  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (7229) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget

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  (231): i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget http://tfl.nu/6lyk
  Replies (15) Good night (1101) Bad night (5685)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.

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  (612): In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures. http://tfl.nu/oo7z
  Replies (7) Good night (2306) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.

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  (270): Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil. http://tfl.nu/p6d2
  Replies (14) Good night (2280) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this

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  (508): Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this http://tfl.nu/b1b0
  Replies (10) Good night (2449) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.

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  (917): Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets. http://tfl.nu/ksjf
  Replies (10) Good night (911) Bad night (1627)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo

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  (409): Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo http://tfl.nu/65rk
  Replies (15) Good night (2610) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"

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  (252): I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong" http://tfl.nu/l3k0
  Replies (6) Good night (2291) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.

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  (309): Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back. http://tfl.nu/c0o1
  Replies (4) Good night (1163) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?

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  (916): Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick? http://tfl.nu/xs5h
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.

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  (912): He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it. http://tfl.nu/1cfw
  Replies (3) Good night (1014) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."

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  (920): Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth." http://tfl.nu/xs9s
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.

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  (802): You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago. http://tfl.nu/55qx
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (190)

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