yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.