i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
