She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
