Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
