you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
