I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
