Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize