i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
