At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
