Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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