So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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