You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
