She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
