You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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