is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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