Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
