a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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