i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
