fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
