YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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