hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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