cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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