I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
