I wish my penis had an off switch
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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