he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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