I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
