it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
