My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This baby is an asshole
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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