Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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