Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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