We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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