Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
