Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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