all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize