My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
