just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
