I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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