I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
