i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
