He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
