He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
