It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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