I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
