Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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