Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why do cheetos always look like penises
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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