i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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